Episode 488 : Root Beer Myths

YouTube link is here.

It’s a heck of an episode this week. Besides a ton of TV, we learn that William’s wife HATES Tony, just… so… so much. We also solve LPD forever. And best yet, we talk a LOT about Tony’s butthole! Enjoy!

QUESTIONS:
* indicates an abridged question

You’re just never going to change that logo are you? –Bloodsparrow

*I despise loosing peanuts so much that I place a napkin/paper towel between peanut bowl and shell bowl and crack the peanut on that. –Bloodsparrow

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42 Responses to Episode 488 : Root Beer Myths

  1. Azuretalon says:

    I don’t want to hear more about Tony supersoaking his butt clean, but I do want to hear William’s reactions to Tony talking about his butt.

    Also I think the 1919 connection is that was the year of prohibition so lots of breweries moved over to soda on that year, I think 1919 has a much deeper mint flavor than A&W.

  2. Angela Lambertz says:

    Bidets are AWEEEEEESOME!

  3. jas says:

    Root Beer Myths

    Before there was being. Before there was not being. There was Sasquatch.

    And Sasquatch put down its right foot and created Sassafras.

    And Sasquatch put down its left foot and created Sassparilla.

    And Sassafras governed the forces of dissolution and Sassparilla governed the forces of connection, and between them they created the cycles of life and death.

    But when the cycles brought about the human being, the human feared the destructive powers of Sassafras and deemed it evil and the human worshiped Sassparilla, but refused the very connection between the siblings and changed the god’s name to Sarsaparilla. And the human worshiped Sarsaparilla by imbibing the libation created from the god’s essence. So it is even to this very day.

    • William says:

      Yes to this. Huge bonus because it includes Sasquatch. And gender neutrality. And sass.

    • themagicaltalkinghat says:

      I’m ready to join the cult based around this myth. Just let me know where to start building the compound.

    • William says:

      Of course, Charles Elmer Hines (1851 – 1937) concocted a root beer in 1876 — arguably the first root beer brand in the US — that leaned more upon sassafras than sarsaparilla for flavor, making Mr. Hines the first Dark Lord of the Fizz.

      Thank goodness Roy Allen and Frank Wright eventually restored balance to the Sass.

      • William says:

        Oops… just noticed the typo… it’s Charles Elmer HIRES, of course.

        Y’all remember Hires Root Beer, right? I think it’s fairly difficult to get these days…

        • William says:

          Of course, the archenemy of Hires and the Dark Lords of the Fizz (based in Philadelphia) was Edward Charles Edmond Barq Sr. (based in Biloxi), inventor of Barq’s Root Beer in 1898 for his then-recently-founded Biloxi Artesian Bottling Works. The Barq’s secret society is based in the Barq hometown of New Orleans, where E. C. E. Barq had co-founded his first soft drink venture, Barq Brothers Bottling Company, with his brother Gaston in 1890. The secret society is called “The Righteous Order of the Two Tonic Knights”, and it’s grand lodge is hidden well within the charming confines of the French Quarter.

          Secret societies aren’t limited to sass-based root beers, of course! We mustn’t overlook the International Society of Peppeopathic Physicians, founded in 1885 by Charles Alderton, that meets at the mysterious “10-2-4 Ranch” that’s located somewhere in the vicinity of Waco, Texas. Or the Detroit secret society called the Hermetic Order of the Golden Ale, founded in 1866 by James Vernor. Or the Ancient and Accepted Continental Rite of Free-Moxians founded in 1885 by homeopathic Dr. Augustin Thompson in Lowell, Massachusetts.

          The conspiracies are true, people.

          • jas says:

            Did the Barq brothers have a twin sister secreted away at birth? Those cinnamon swirl braids certainly look two-tonic to me.

          • William says:

            Of course, we needn’t even mention the famous-yet-elusive Illuminehi.

          • Evil William says:

            You forgot the most powerful sugar-oriented secret society of all! The Pentaverate!

            John Cadbury (chocolate), John Harvey Kellogg (cereal), Jacob L. Loose (Hydrox cookies), William Evill (Schweppes in the 1800s), and Milton S. Hershey (candy). It was founded in 1889 just before Cadbury went tits up.

        • jas says:

          Oh yeah. Wasn’t there a movie about him?

          “The Emp-Hire Strikes Back”

  4. jas says:

    I also installed a bidet, but the installation went a lot less smoothly (old pipes, small space to work in). Very happy with it now though. I installed it to not use so much paper and it has really worked for that, plus it is much more hygenic!

    Am now watching the second season of The Alienist and it is a bit better so far. I pretty much agree that it’s OK but could have been better. There were a lot of instances in the first season where you think, “Well, why didn’t they just ____?” And the answer is, because the writers needed X number more episodes so they had to make their supposedly very smart characters behave stupidly. Plus, the characters were kind of awful to each other sometimes in ways that didn’t completely make sense.

    We recently finished The Expanse and are now watching The Dark which is very good. Tough to get over the initial episode on that one, which is kind of unrelentingly dark. But once the plot and characters kick in, it is really good.

    Also watching Doom Patrol. Can’t decide how I feel. At first it was way over the top campy/goofy in a way that I didn’t like, but now I’m starting to like it more. It’s the first comic book series that I read as a kid so I probably have high expectations.

  5. Bloodsparrow says:

    Bidets are so great.

    • Bloodsparrow says:

      A secondary feature for “Uterus Evacuation Week”?

      That sounds so great!

    • Bloodsparrow says:

      “Squatty Potty” is also great. Total game changer.

      • themagicaltalkinghat says:

        We just bought a short step stool. It works. Also, just leaning forward. 🙂

        • Bloodsparrow says:

          Yeah. I tried that to start and then I saw a Squatty Potty on clearance (LOL) for $15. It ticks out of the way better and the wider stance it affords helps me more than the footstool.

        • Bloodsparrow says:

          Tucks… it tucks out of the way… why TF does autocorrect change tucks to ticks???

    • Bloodsparrow says:

      I’m sorry William, I have to take so many vitamins after my weight loss surgery so these things impact my life.

    • Bloodsparrow says:

      I haven’t installed one. I use a handheld “travel” model.

    • Bloodsparrow says:

      Listen Tony… there are MANY podcasts where people talk about their ass… though I guess this is the only podcast where YOU talk about YOUR ass.

    • Bloodsparrow says:

      Okay this is reawakening my interest in obscure root beers… but I can’t really drink it anymore. 🙁

    • Bloodsparrow says:

      For the record, there’s nothing wrong with not changing the MS Paint logo. Mostly I just wanted y’all to talk about the logo.

    • Bloodsparrow says:

      I genuinely thought Tony was mocking me for my anti-lost-peanut tactics… I thought he was being sarcastic about how much his mind was blown… I still think that, but I’m willing to believe that he genuinely thinks I’m a genius if y’all insist.

      • themagicaltalkinghat says:

        My response was genuine.

        Now, if one were to believe in a silly conspiracy theory, like that the emails to the Hat *aren’t* magically transmogrified, but are in fact hand-written by Tony… then one could argue that the original enthusiasm happened when Tony originally transcribed the email, and had to be reproduced artificially for the podcast.

        But that’s just silly, and of course not true.

  6. Azuretalon says:

    William, I have said almost the exact same thing to my best friend who hates conspiracy theories. They use to be fun but now they are all just stupid, terrible and sad,

    Bloodsparrow, congratulations on weight loss surgery. My wife had that too and it was a huge game changer for her.

    • Bloodsparrow says:

      Getting it done was quite the ordeal, but it was the right choice for me. Thanks! Congrats to your wife as well!

    • themagicaltalkinghat says:

      “I think Trader Joe’s makes their parking spots intentionally too narrow so it looks like they’re more popular than they are!” –Kyle Kinane

  7. Mark says:

    William: A Whatchamacallit is considerably different from a Bidet; just sayin’… 😉

    Tony: Does your bidet use heated water or is it all cold/room temp?

    I have no interest in your butt Tony and we don’t have a bidet. With that said, I’ve thought about getting one but my wife is not as interested in it.

    Yeah, this conversation could easily go straight down the toilet… Thank you, thank you, I’ll see myself out.

    1919 Root Beer: I’d not heard of this before and momentarily thought you were starting to talk about root bear made in 1919.

    We used to use a neighbor kid for it; but while I don’t care much about how our lawn looks, the kid regularly screwed it up. Now we are fortunate enough to have a neighbor who does lawn care as a side gig and we have him do it (since I hate that chore). When I used to do it as a kid, I used both gas & electric mowers. The electric was slightly better, but ran off a cord which was a pain in the ass. When we bought our house; we got a reel mower and so long as the blades were sharp that was fine. Unfortunately, we don’t know anybody who sharpens those types of blades any more, and none of the sharpening kits I’ve used worked.

    While I can relate to Tony’s position on screwing up chores so people don’t ask me to do them; my parents would pay us to do a couple of chores (lawn mowing and snow shoveling). So while I might not have wanted to do either chore; it was a relatively easy way to get some pocket money.

    I’m not familiar with either Cursed or The Alienist. We watched an episode or two of Frankenstein Chronicles but didn’t care for it.

    The Last Airbender: Oh yeah, it definitely gets better later during the run of the TV show. We never watched the movie, because we saw the trailer and said “that’s going to be shit”.

    Speaking of shit, Zardoz is famously bad and I know I’ve seen pictures from it and possibly clips, but I can’t currently recall if I’ve actually watched it and promptly blocked it from my mind or if I’ve always just given it a miss.

    The Wicker Man: Yeah, the original was so much better than the Nic Cage version.

    Great Iowa Treasure Hunt: I did that years ago and just searched for my last name. Surprisingly, there weren’t that many pages of results and I found a little for me but far more for my sister-in-law.

    For the Queen: I’ve seen people play that at Gamicon but don’t think I have had a chance to try it out.

    Haunted Mansion: Nope, I was not aware of that and I’ve also not yet been to any of the Disney parks but we hope to change that in 2022.

    Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom: Fun book, though I prefer his Little Brother series.

    Peanuts: I say if you just eat better nuts; then you don’t have this issue and again I’d recommend going with pistachios.

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